Urgh, life has been a little crap of late with these damn pregnancy hormone surges and dreadful back pain. I’m due to drop baby number 4 in less than 15 weeks now….15 weeks?? Argh! That sounds too soon! Anyhoo, I suffer from pelvic instability (or pelvic girdle pain), a condition where the ligaments of the pelvis loosen too much causing severe pelvic and back pain. The main culprit for me is the left sacroiliac joint, but my whole pelvis is pretty shot. Yes, why did I go back for number 4? Beats me! So, at 25 weeks, it has really flared up and I’m struggling to do simple everyday tasks, like dry my feet after a shower. Life doesn’t stop though when you have 3 boys and a “not-husband” to run around after. Fortunately I have a wonderful partner who helps out as much as he can but most days, it’s not enough. I’m battling to keep on top of things…no, correction, I cannot get on top of things around the house so needless to say, the place looks like a bomb has hit it. My main focus of late has been to cook tasty and nutritious meals and snacks that are easy and everything else has been put on the back burner…even doing my hair, which is a big thing for a hairdresser.
I’ve been blaming the state of the house and my feeling of uselessness for my hormonal meltdowns. I wake up feeling swollen and sore and then when I see the state of my kitchen, the dirt on the floor, the screaming, fighting children, I just want to crawl into a cave and disappear! But I know that a major part of my mood is the pelvic pain and knowing it is only going to get worse and I still have to carry on with normal daily activities. That feeling of being trapped, with no way out, and the walls are closing in. Yesterday I even found myself wishing I wasn’t having this baby and a feeling of dread and anxiety engulfed my body. I couldn’t stop crying and the feelings of uselessness were heightened to such a point that I felt worthless and a burden. Meh, I’m over that today 🙂 A good (over 2 hour) chat with a wonderful, insightful friend and a blabbering over the phone to “not-husband”, crying and telling him all my woes and trying desperately to make him understand what I’m feeling, all contributed to the meltdown hardening up…..or was it that concrete milkshake I fed myself for afternoon tea?
I have a theory in life, like many people, that everything happens for a reason. Several months ago I had a fleeting idea about publishing a cookbook, with all my recipes I have developed for my sons’ food intolerances. I’m a procrastinator and I knew this may never happen, so I was happy with blogging. Well now that the reality of my situation has hit me coupled with my lack of desire to ever get back into the hair and beauty industry once my babes are at school (it’s not worth me putting them into care to go and work for a measly $16 an hour and pay $90 a day per child for care, because then I’d be in deficit!), I have decided that the best way for me to generate some extra income for the family and help support my older 2 boys, because god knows their biological father won’t ($7.15 in child support for the month! Hahahaha) is to get my bum into gear and publish a book! But not only to generate income, to help others in a similar situation with food intolerance issues. Would you buy it?????
My aim now is to build an audience so I have a market once this happens. I’m sure it will be slow going at first but I can be patient…sometimes. So please forgive me if my recipe posts aren’t as forthcoming as they were, because I have decided to keep a few of them close to my chest now and I’m sure you can understand why. I still intend to put a few up on my blog to keep you all interested so I guess I’ll be working twice as hard in the kitchen, coming up with even more meal and snack ideas……hahaha, in my state?!! I’m going to employ a cleaner 😉 So stay tuned for more updates, only if you’re interested in my bitching and moaning of course, hahaha, and get cooking some of my existing recipes and messaging me with any issues you have with any of them. Before anything goes into the book, I need to know that they work for others and not just myself. I’d also appreciate any feedback you can offer, just be nice about it as I’m likely to have another hormonal meltdown if it’s not 😉